It’s up to you to bail me out of this Phantom Zone of lost existence.

All you have to do is e-mail me or leave a crappy comment, or even call me on your phone and snap me out of a totally drunken stupor to which I stupidly drunkenly totaled into…. My rescue is closer than you think, if you just lend a hand, or foot, or e-mail even. But if you’d rather me slip into the nonexistent existence of illusion, of the dismal shadow of fantasy of things that are not really there, then by all means, don’t try to reach me in any way, shapelessness, or formless void, and I’ll be lost for- half of –ever, at least. Or maybe just a few minutes if you contact me right away….away… away…away… slipping away…. really fast now…. slipping and sliding a way . . . aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

For further demented insight into lack of wisdom of virtual non-intelligence, please contact me for further clarification within the next five minutes or the whole universe will self-destruct!

KAAABLOOOOOMIE!…..

too late….

existence has now just become totally non-existence….

Fred: If there was ever a draft again, would you gladly go to war?

Ted: I might. But someone should wipe out those damn terrorists.

Fred: You seem like a decent guy, you don’t act like a murderer.

Ted: Well, nobody’s pissed me off bad enough yet for me to find out if I could be a murderer.

*      *      *

Frank: I had an exceptional upbringing.  What about you?

Hank: My parents told me I was conceived in the back of a ‘59 Ford pickup.  The weird thing is my father wasn’t there.  Even weirder, my mom wasn’t there

either.

Frank: Weird. So, who was there?

Hank: Nobody, You must be imagining me.

*      *      *

Bill: I’d like to get to know you better, so please tell me about yourself.

Mary: Well, I enjoy sports, horseback riding, long walks in the moonlight and –

Bill: Enough about you — let’s talk about me now.

*            *            *

Ernie: Is this the city morgue?

Elmer: Yes.

Ernie: I must have misplaced my dead uncle; he wandered off during the funeral.

*            *            *

Elmer: City Morgue.

Cop: This is the police.  We heard one of your bodies escaped.

Elmer: Not recently.  Try the cemetery.  Strange things happen there.

*            *            *

Bob: I forgot where I placed my Memory Pills again.

Bill: Really? That’s ironic.

Bob: Yep.  I must be losing my mind.

Bill: Worse.  You never had one to begin with.

*            *            *

Smarty: I’m right and you’re wrong.

Alec: I might be wrong, but you’re wronger.

Smarty: I’m always right.

Alec: No way. You’re just half right half the time.

Smarty: You might be right, but I’m righter than you.

*            *            *

Lazy Larry: Did you know we’re under the illusion that we get paid the same?

Diligent Dan: But we do get paid the same.

Lazy Larry: On the contrary.  You work hard for your pay, whereas I do absolutely nothing for it.

Diligent Dan: I suppose sitting at your computer playing Solitaire all day is nothing.

Lazy Larry: That’s right.  But you see, considering the amount of work I do, which is very little, I might as well get paid more than you.

Diligent Dan: That’s twisted!

Lazy Larry: But if you did nothing just like me, we’d get paid the same.

Diligent Dan: Damn, you’re right! Screw the boss! From now on, I’m slacking off!

Lazy Larry: Oh, hi, Mr. Cranston! Didn’t see you there.

Diligent Dan: Uh, uh, hi, boss, uh, uh, I was joking, uh, naturally.

*          *          *

(Excerpt from The Bursting Appendix Newsletter)